Wednesday 23 October 2013

In year four we have been writing a narrative using the 'Once in a life time' film clip below. Here is an extract from Maddison's in 4E.

http://www.literacyshed.com/the-fantasy-shed.html

One day an old man was out flying his spectacular ship above the clouds.  Suddenly a bunch of tremendous turtles came flowing swiftly past the old man and his flying ship.  In the wink of an eye he had a marvellous idea in his head, he grabbed his rope and tossed it round the glowing turtles head.

He was hoping it would pull his creaky ship for him but no! The calm turtle wobbled and wiggled as much as he could so that the rope would snap.

Suddenly the rope did snap .The old man was so upset he started to cry.   He thought he was the most unluckiest man in the world.

Luckily one more turtle came flowing calmly past.  He had to make a quick choice.  To jump on to the turtle, which is a risk of losing his life, or stay here with no food, which would eventually end his life.  He decided to jump PLOP! He landed on the shell of the turtle.

11 comments:

  1. Great post Madison. I really liked your description.

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  2. That is a amazing piece of work!

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  3. Great description Madison I liked your simile

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  4. great work Madison, I like your description

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  5. I like your onmatopoeia

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  6. Well done Madison I really liked your connectives.

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  7. I like the way you put in PLOP! Madison L

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  8. -I like your onomatopoeia Plop!

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  9. Great writing, Maddison! We really liked your use of adjectives, especially in alliteration ("spectacular ship" and "tremendous turtles"), powerful verbs and -ly openers. We thought your next steps might be connectives or -ed and -ing openers. We look forward to reading more writing soon! 5R

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  10. Liam- Great descriptive language.
    Charlotte- Very good adverbs.
    James- Good use of adjectives.
    Rhoda- Good build up.
    Harry- Good use of connectives.

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