In 4E we have been looking at different WW1 poems this week including some from Year 6. After exploring and editing other people's poems, today, we wrote our own. Here are some we'd like to share.
In the vast trenches soldiers defend themselves
while they fight their enemies.
Quickly, the bullets all fire at the same time.
It smells like gas, rotten fish, coffee and smoke.
Lonely trenches are dilapidated
because the enemies are taking over.
Heartbreakingly, good people are afraid.
They never give up.
Rudely and roughly, you could see
the flesh rots
off those who didn't make it.
-Temitola (4E)
In the terrifying, horrifying trenches I can smell...
Super smoke rising from the mystic sky
It rises as high as sky scrapers.
Much higher than you or me.
In the terrifying trenches I can hear...
People screaming for help.
The enemy charging like a furious bull;
like an angry rhinoceros.
In the horrifying trenches I can see...
Smoke rising from the bombs
Bombs exploding like bursting balloons.
-Felix (4E)
In the terrifying trenches...
I can smell...
Disgusting mud sliver up my ankles.
The ghastly gases coming to take our lives.
I can hear...
People screaming like animals.
Bombs crashing wildly.
-Emre (4E)
Dear 4E,
ReplyDeleteWe greatly enjoyed reading your WWI poetry and were thrilled to hear that you have been reading ours! Here are our comments on your poems.
Temitola: we thought you used alliteration well. Could you uplevel your adjectives or add some more, for example to describe the soldiers or enemies?
Felix: we liked how your used your senses and verbs but felt you could uplevel some of them. You also used a range of punctuation which is fantastic.
Emre: we liked your use of alliteration, too. Could you uplevel "disgusting"? We thought "putrid" or "putrescent" (two of our favourite words!) could work well, as your are writing about smell.
We look forward to reading more of your writing!